It's been a while since I felt this way. All these emotions, I don't seem to know how to get pass them. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm frustrated.. at everything. Mostly I'm annoyed.. at myself.. to allow myself to feel this way and let my emotions get the best of me. How silly all this must be. I thought everything was getting better, but maybe that was not the case at all. I kept myself busy so I didn't have to think about it... so that I didn't have to deal with the sorrow that came along with it. It like my mind or my heart won't let me escape it. The other day.. all of the sudden I found myself in tears. WHY?! oh my freaking goodness why? How frustrating is it to not be able to control my own emotions.

There are days when I am not busy I find my mind just wandering and thinking about certain moments... just replaying over and over in my mind. I just get lost in my thoughts, wondering how things could have been different. I am beginning to think that I made a mistake, and wish that I can take it all back. Is that possible? Let's start over, and pretend that nothing ever happened. Then we can all just carry on just like before... without a care in the world. It would be a little secret of mine that will eventually be long forgotten. But I know that that isn't true either, I would just be lying to myself. So then where does that leave me now? I'm struggling with these feelings, especially when I am trying to not let it effect my friendship and let everything be normal. It's so hard... I just don't know anymore. I am one of those that would still want to be friends even if deep in my heart I want more. I can't bare to lose any of it. It is better to have something, than to have nothing at all. Does that make me selfish?

Love isn't a possession that anyone has ownership to.. If you let it go.. and it comes back to you then it was meant to be.. If not, then what can you do right?

UGH!!!! x_x